1326 – Roman Numeral Calculator | All Intros 945 – 948 for Presidents’ Day Weekend

Episode 1326 – Roman Numeral Calculator | All Intros 945-948 for Presidents' Day Weekend

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, fans of boba tea everywhere, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the pod…you may say, what in the boba…? Do you even know those…? Do you know one thing that really gets on Boba Fett’s nerves? I’d say, when I mention Boba Fett and boba balls in the same sentence? What about…does…Beau Bridges makes boba balls for Boba Fett. There’s gotta be a verb or something in there. What’s a B…what’s a verb…? Anyway, what am I talking about? It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. I just thought of it, though; it’s maybe ‘balances’ or…I’ll get back to it hopefully in the intro. So, I’ll be back. It’s time for Sleep With Me, once again, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’ll do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, thoughts…things on your mind, feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you. So, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine. I just got distracted. Sorry about that. My mind just petered out, just kinda like this podcast peters out. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. Stuff…it could be nothing on your mind.

Last night was…I had a baffling one where I said, what is going on here? I played by all the sleep rules. Luckily, there’s no rules. That’s just what people say. All the…what do they call it? All the sleep hygiene things. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, and I’d like to keep you company if I could. The way I’m gonna do that is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones — oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones, more creaky than dulcet — pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I have a tendency to use filler words, muttering, stammering, and then peter out. I mean, that’s like a sound effect of an old-fashioned car on a cartoon. I’ve never been compared to that, but I’m sure people have thought of it.

They say, I can’t put my finger on it, but Scooter reminds me of something, not someone. I say, one of those cars with…in a comedy where they’re trying to…you gotta wind it up on the front of it and then it makes a noise a bit like a train? It putters and then it stalls out, but it doesn’t kinda stall…oh yeah, wasn’t there a car on one of those cartoons that…it even made that sound and it had a face? So, yeah, I guess you’re right. I guess I am a bit like that imaginary cartoon car. But if you’re new, a couple things to know; I’m here to keep you company as you fall asleep, which…that’s very different than most podcasts, even most sleep audio. So, you might find this podcast…it’s just not for everybody, but I hope it works for you.

The only thing is it does take a few tries to get used to, and that’s what most regular listeners say, which is…like, hundreds of thousands of people have said — and I guess I’m proud of this — that they gave it a few tries. I’m proud of them. They said, yeah, it took two or three tries before I realized you just kinda barely listen to Scooter. It’s kinda like a passive listening. It’s different than passive listening or background noise, but it’s just like out-of-focus listening. Then I became a regular listener because it helped take my mind off of stuff and put me to sleep. So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You may not like it. Totally normal. You may be skeptical or doubtful. It makes a lot of sense to me. So, those things are true. What else is…? Oh, the other thing is this doesn’t really put you to sleep.

I’m here to keep you company while you drift off. The reason the podcast’s over an hour…so you have reassurance. You say, oh, I got plenty of time to fall asleep. Scoots is gonna be here to keep me company. Here’s the thing; I’m gonna be here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. I’m here for you, so if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here for over an hour, to the very end. You could queue up episode after episode after episode if you need it. But if you’re asleep, I’m still here. I’m still here keeping you company. I’m on…I’m kinda like on-call. So, those are a couple other things. Another thing that can throw new listeners off is the structure of the show. The show starts off with a greeting so you know…hopefully you feel seen and welcomed.

Then there’s business, listener support, and then the sponsors that support the podcast to be free, then there’s an intro, which we’re in right now. The intro goes from around…I don’t know, minute six or minute eight to about minute twenty or twenty-two. The intro is essentially a show within a show, but it also…it’s a show within a show within a show because…what I mean by that is…okay, so, the intro is in the show. So, that’s the first ‘within the show’. Then the next doll down, those nesting dolls…so, the intro also…it has as couple purposes. It introduces you, the new listener, to the show, or for the regular listener…what up, regular listeners? Or what about semi-new listeners, or coming back…listeners on a comeback? That’s a setup…set back’s a setup for a comeback. So, I’m glad to have you back here.

So, those…okay, but either way…so, the intro does two things; it introduces people to the show, but it also gives you some distance, some wind-down time, because this podcast, even when it puts you to sleep, it keeps you company as you drift off to sleep. So, you could kinda use the intro in different ways once you get used to the show. Three percent of people now skip the intro and start the story…start the show at twenty minutes, then another few thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon. But for the majority of listeners, they listen to the intro as they’re either in bed getting comfortable or they’re out of bed getting…either getting ready for bed or doing some sort of wind-down bedtime routine.

The podcast kinda serves as a supplement to ease you into bedtime and give you a smooth landing pad so that, yeah…just don’t…‘cause I just haven’t had any luck falling asleep instantly. That’s what I mean. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business between the intro and the show. That’s just how podcast business structure works. Then there’s a story. Tonight will be our…a recap of an episodically modular series — I guess it’s a serialized series — Mandaborian on Mandalorian. Now, if you don’t watch that show or you do watch the show, don’t worry. These will be…you don’t have to have watched the show. There may be spoilers ‘cause I am gonna talk about the episode, but in a pretty indirect way. So, that’ll be my…talking about Mandalorian, then there will be thank-yous and goodnights.

So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s what I truly believe, and that our world will be a better place if you get the rest you need and deserve. That’s just…that’d be a good thing for everybody. I mean, it’d be nice. The other reason is because I’ve been there. I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, that’s a couple things. The other things…it’s just, my mind tends to go off on tangents. That’s another reason I just…I guess I’m…make this show. I do later in the episode talk about Boba Fett and boba balls, but I didn’t think about it as a tongue twister with Beau Bridges. So, you have Beau Bridges, Beau Bridges, a sibling of Jeff Bridges.

Not related to Jeff Daniels, though I get that mixed up all the time. Common mistake for me. So, that’s…I mean, I’m sure it’s not okay with the Bridges brothers. Now, what was the other one? I was thinking whenever I talk about the Bridges, then I gotta talk about somebody else, but now my brain just went…oh, the Bacon brothers, and Beau…my…so, I do write Bacon brothers and Beau Bridges/Bacon brothers fanfiction, a figure named Beau Bacon. He’s the forgotten Bacon brother. He says, I’m one degree separation from Kevin Bacon, but I’m not in the Bacon Brothers band. So…but then I was thinking about…okay, Beau Bacon and Beau Bridges, a balance of boba balls on Boba Fett; is that…? That’s not really a tongue-twister.

That’s something I’d like to see, or they could bake…I don’t think you bake boba balls anyway, but they could bake boba balls. Beau Bridges bakes boba balls. You’re right, we do need some sort of mod…what is that called? Is that an adjective or an adverb? Adjectives end in -ly, right? Beautifully balanced boba balls. Beautifully balanced…now I’m trying to find another B word…before blossom. What’s a B word that start…? Banana blossom boba balls. They say, Scoots, I’m from the Institute of Tongue Twisters, Tongue Twisters International. Oh, okay. Go ahead. I got you on the line, here. Scoots, normally that’s too many words to be in a tongue twister. We don’t have a hard and fast rule, but that’s way too many words. Oh, really? Huh. Where’s your headquarters? Is it in my imagination?

The International Institute of…what’d you say? Tongue Twisters. Tongue Twisters International? It is in your imagination. Okay, so let’s run through this, then. Beau Bridges bakes banana…there you go…there, my tongue was twisted there. Scooter, your tongue’s twisted a lot of the time, though. Okay, you got me on a technicality. Beau Bridges bakes boba balls. Oh, whoops; banana bacon blossom…balanced banana bacon blossom boba balls. Beautifully balanced banana bacon boba balls before…could boba balls be betrothed to…? Does betroth just particularly mean engaged, or could it mean…? I’ve promised these…you say, sorry…okay, so we say…let’s say Beau Bridges is sitting around his house baking boba balls, and Beau Bacon comes over, and Jeff Daniels. They say Beau, what’s that smell?

Oh, I’m baking boba balls. Wow, it smells like banana. Oh yeah, beautifully balanced banana bacon boba balls. It’s banana blossom, actually, but…what’s a banana blossom, Beau? By the way, how many…? This is getting ridiculous. This is why I love making this show. Then you say, can I have some? No. They’ve been betrothed to Boba Fett. Okay, that…but could you just say Beauba? No, because then people might think I’m giving boba balls to just Beauba. These particular boba balls are betrothed to Boba Fett. There’s the invoice right here. So, you sold them to Boba Fett? No, ‘cause Boba Fett does not work with money. Boba Fett works with the more ancient system of…so, they’re betrothed to Boba Fett in a long time…galaxy far, far away, a long time ago. Beau, are you mixed up with Doc Brown again? I am.

He showed up with Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he said, robes? Where we’re going, we don’t need any robes. We just need boba balls. I said, you’re in the right place. That’s my…Beau Bridges’ hobby? Making boba balls. I’m the first person to bake boba balls, as a matter of fact. Oh, really? This is so interesting. How’d you get into baking boba balls, Beau? Oh, where are…? Oh, let me set it up. Welcome to the Bacon Brothers Podcast. I’m Beau Bacon. I’m here talking about things I encounter during my day, and I’m here recapping the time I showed up at Beau Bridges’ house and found him baking boba balls for Boba Fett. I’m sorry. Is your brother Brad Bacon around? Why are you asking about Brad Bacon, Beau? Well, I just remember…you remember when he was called Bad Brad Bacon? I do, Beau. Yeah, I just think that’s cool.

Is he the cool…? I know Kevin’s the main Bacon brother. Oh, thanks a lot, Beau. I thought we were friends. Well, no, no. I mean, not…you’re the one at my house. You’re the one that gets to taste my…test my test-bakes. I just like saying Bad Brad Bacon, and I know Scooter does, too. Okay, Beau. Anyway, back to…I’m here with Beau Bridges. He’s making beautifully balanced bacon banana blossom boba balls betrothed to Boba Fett. Before we get off, I just thought…I wondered if you could think of any other B words we could gratuitously slip into here. Also, we’ve learned we’re in violation of the tongue-twister…the Tongue Twister International, they’ve gotta be like, wait a second, no one’s spun any tongue…is there tongue-twisting tales? That should be…that could be my next podcast.

I think it’s called Sleep With Me, Scoots. Oh, yeah. I just…but I don’t always use the same letters. I just…my tongue twists on its own. It’s the funniest thing; I’m always tongue-twisted, but I can’t fold my tongue into a taco like whatever…I don’t know what percentage of the population can do that. Beau Bacon can. What about Bad Brad Bacon? What about…could we get a word…could we fit a bard in there? No? Buttery boba balls and…okay, you’re right; it petered out, just like I said at the beginning of the podcast. Eventually it peters out. So, thank you so much, Bad Brad Bacon, Beau Bacon, Beau Bridges, Boba Fett, boba balls, everybody everywhere. I appreciate your time. This podcast can get silly, I mean…but I’m here to barely put a smile on your face. That was an example. It was…if you were barely laughing, that was an accident.

I was just really intrigued, ‘cause I was picturing…not in a ostentatious Hollywood Hills house; you know, just halfway up the hill with a good view, windows open, boba ball steam’s going out the window, Beau Bridges is in an apron, and then Beau Bacon shows up. Then somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, Boba’s waiting, saying, when…? I gotta get those boba balls. Fenneck, go out…has the delivery come? What time did Doc Brown and Obi-Wan say they were gonna be here? Well, they had to stop at the No Robes shop. Oh. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. This podcast obviously is very different, not for everybody, but I really hope it can barely make you laugh or at least take your mind off of stuff and keep you company while you drift off. I appreciate your time. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to be here for you twice a week for free.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about, things on your mind, so, like…I don’t know, my mind just went blank as soon as I said ‘things on your mind’. It could be that, though. You say, why…? I mean, that happens to me a lot. I say, why can’t I remember that? Then I try to remember it, and it’s like trying to find a…trying to find something in one of my…my closet or a pile or when I put stuff down.

Yeah, and I say, what happened to that letter that I needed to open, that I needed to think about opening? You heard that tangent a few months ago. Anyway, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about — that could be from the past, present, or future — feelings that come up related to those thoughts…obviously I’ve had a few, but it could just be feelings that are there, sensations or…anything physical going on with you, schedule changes…I talked to Gavin yesterday, and a lot of times, Gavin’s gotta go to sleep at noon. I hear from a lot of listeners that have to go to sleep at those times of day. It’s not easy, especially when it’s irregular, right? Could be some other thing or it could be something you just don’t know. Whatever is keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you drift off.

What I’m going…or what I propose to do and what you could see if you’re willing to come along, is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones — oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones — pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. So, I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, and all that stuff, all to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, I don’t know, my mind just went blank again. Oh, yeah, I guess I kinda said…so, here’s a couple things if you’re new that you would want to know or you might want to know; this podcast does not work for everybody, so just give it a few tries.

That’s not coming from me; that’s coming from hundreds of thousands of people that said, hey, it took…believe it or not, hundreds of thousands of people have told me, it took two or three tries to get used to you. I say, yeah, that sounds about right, ‘cause of course if somebody told you about this podcast…you say, well, it’s supposed to put me to sleep? What do you mean? Not sure about this guy’s voice, and he doesn’t seem to…this content seems to be…he plays loose and fast with his content. I say, you’re correct about that. So, just see how it goes. So, that’s one thing; if you’re skeptical, doubtful, or unsure, that’s a normal response to the show, but I hope it can put you to sleep or at least keep you company while you fall asleep. This is also a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kinda barely pay attention to it.

I barely engage you and I give you something to kinda listen to while you drift off. You say, okay, I can listen to this and it takes me…ideally, it barely…I barely distract you from whatever’s keeping you awake. Then…oh, the other thing is not only is this a podcast you don’t really listen to, it’s also a sleep podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep. This is strange, but I’m here to keep you company as you drift off. So, I’m really just here to be your bedtime borey-teller. First time I made that word up, maybe…but really just to keep you company as you drift off. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you have plenty of time. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end, so I’m here just as much to keep you company…I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep and whether you’re listening or not.

So, really, hopefully you don’t feel any pressure, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour. I used to say that all the time. I don’t know what part of the podcast I used to say that in. Maybe I already…you say, Scoots, you say that right…okay, yeah, I said it right at the beginning? I don’t remember it. Okay, so those are a couple things. The other thing that throws people off — podcast listeners in particular — is the structure of the show. The show’s structured very deliberately, but also it’s very malleable. So, I’ll tell you the normal structure and then how people use the show in different ways. So, the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome. Then it has resources for listeners and sponsors. That’s how it’s able to be here twice a week for free.

Then there’s an intro, and the intro goes from like, minute six or eight to minute twenty-something. That can really throw people off, ‘cause you say, well, the intro’s like, one-third of the podcast? I’d say, well, twenty, forty, sixty…yeah, about one-third of the podcast. You’re right. But the intro kinda serves two purposes; one, it introduces new listeners to the show so I can tell y’all this stuff. So you say, oh, okay, I was skeptical and doubtful, and now I still am, but at least I know what to expect, and so…and I’m kinda getting relaxed here. So, that’s one purpose the intro serves, to introduce the show in a long-winded, meandering way with kindness, ‘cause it’s really my job to earn your trust. You don’t really owe me anything. Even listening two or three times, I just can ask it because I hope I can put you to sleep.

So, yeah, it’s my job to build some rapport. So, that’s part of the intro, too. But for regular listeners…what up, my regular listeners and all the pets, the fishes and other pets out there, mammalian pets…and warm-blooded or cold-blooded, I got a warm spot in my heart for you, as long as you’re keeping a distance, cold-blooded beings. I can share my warmth metaphorically with you, but that’s it. So…sorry, that was a tangent. But so, the regular listeners, the podcast…the intro serves as part of their wind-down routine. So, you can listen as you’re getting ready for bed or as you’re in bed drifting off or as you’re doing something else relaxing, even if it’s just sitting around. I mean, that’s pretty relaxing.

I don’t really…I barely have the ability to do that, just lie around, but when I do, I say, wow, I should do this more often, just lie on the…you know when you lie on the floor and look at the room upside-down? I say, this is great. Why don’t I do this every day? I say, well, because…as Popeye once said, I am who I am, and it’s not…so, oh, so the intro…what was I saying? Oh, so, it just gives you some distance from the day and eases you into bedtime, because for most of us, we’ve tried other sleep solutions, right? Those are supposed to work right away. They’re not as sustainable or realistic. Even Sleep With Me is only sustainable and realistic for the people it kinda fits like a puzzle piece with. So, that’s how the intro works, but some people skip the intro. They start the show at twenty minutes, about three percent of listeners.

Then a few thousand people listen to story-only versions on our Patreon. Then some people listen all night, even though the podcast isn’t really designed to be listened to all night. That’s an option, too. Then some people start the podcast when they wake up in the middle of the night or whatever, and other people listen during the day. So, it’s kind of like…you see…first start off listening to the intro and then kinda see how it goes for you…is the only advice I can give, is see what works for you. Then there’s business between the intro and the show. That’s just how podcast structure works. It’s called the mid-roll even though it’s not in the middle of the show. Those are the sponsors that, again, enable us to be here for you. Then there’s a story.

Tonight it’ll be a crossover tribute episode to Orbiting Human Circus of the Air, a brilliant and amazing podcast that I love so, so much. I hope you discover it, and if you’re still using your phone right now or you have a pen or paper, write down to subscribe or use the link in our show notes tomorrow to check out that show. It’s gonna…it’ll make your daytime almost as good as your bedtime, maybe even better. So, this…it’ll be a meandering version of the Season 2 premiere. So, that’s the story, will be a bedtime story woven out of another podcast. Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show I guess is threefold. I usually say it’s twofold, but tonight I was thinking it’s threefold. It’s like, you deserve a good night’s sleep.

That’s the main reason I make the show. You deserve a place where you can rest, get the rest you need and ideally live your life and not…and have it more manageable or even be in a place where you could flourish. So, that’s one reason. The other reason…the reason two is I’ve been there at night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, all those things. So, I know how it feels. I know the deep, dark desperation in the deep, dark night very well. If I can offer any kind of salve or balm or a distraction from that, some reassurance that you’re not alone, that is the greatest honor I could ever have in my life, really. I mean, besides being the parent of the coolest daughter in the world, but…so, that’s why I make the show. The third thing is…I guess is the daytime, right?

The daytime kinda sticks around at nighttime. I was thinking of that fast…false start, and then I was thinking of the word false fart, I’ll be honest, so you can go ahead and bore-giggle. For some reason that word makes most people giggle no matter what. But I was thinking about it. When I said, it I was like, well, false farts are a thing that could keep me up at night. I’m sure a lot of people have experienced the old false fart. There’s probably another term for it, but I don’t know why people don’t just…sorry, like in a meeting or a conference or a Zoom nowadays, you say, no, no, that was a false fart. Just wanted to let everybody know that was my chair or that was my elbow on the…whatever this linoleum is. Instead of…for me, if I do a false fart, then I say, oh boy, everybody’s gonna think it.

Everybody’s looking at me. Or, poor Mildred. They’re thinking Mildred did it, I hope and I don’t hope. I feel bad and I feel good that everybody’s looking at Mildred. Maybe I should make another false fart. Don’t you have…always have that one? That’s usually how I do it, is…okay, let me wait a little while, then I’ll see if I can recreate the sound multiple times in a row so that people know it’s not real, right? One time that happened in high school, and the teacher stopped teaching the class because he still didn’t realize that it was…that I was doing…I was covering up my false fart with more false farts so they would delineate that it was my shoe.

This time it was the tip of…I think I must have had a new pair of boots or something, and if the tip of your boot…you scrape it on a linoleum floor…and they stopped the whole class, and they said, do you need to go to the…do you need…? I said, no, no, it’s my…it wasn’t actually embarrassing because it was so over the top. The teacher was laughing, but not…like, it was one of those moments of relief. It was so obvious that it wasn’t…there was no negative feelings involved. It was also funny, ‘cause the teacher was just in hysterics and the whole class was, kinda like you just say…maybe they thought, wow, this kid has such self-esteem. He’s just going…he’s just letting his body take its natural course, which is…of course, they…I say, well, you don’t really know me, obviously. But then I said, no, no, it’s my shoe.

Then I made the sound a couple more times. Sorry about that. I didn’t even know about it. Wasn’t trying to…oh, so it wasn’t a…from a teacher’s perspective, you could think you were doing it to be disruptive, which at the time, I guess I was saying well…I mean, I could have said, well, this is accidentally disruptive, because my first disruption…I didn’t want you to think that was an actual eruption. It was just an unintentional disruption. So, now I’m being disruptive to make it clear…you know what I’m saying? That’s the kinda stuff that can keep some of us up at night. I mean, right? You say, oh man, I wonder what people are thinking from that meeting. I was there to pitch the newest…my idea about Boo Berry’s cousin and Count…that was best friends with Count Chocula, and I made that false fart, but I think they think it was real.

But I guess, yeah, when you think about it on the reverse side, you really don’t hold it against people, I don’t think. I don’t know, maybe…do I? Now that’s…are you the kind of person that holds false farts against people, Scooter? That’s what’s gonna be going through my head tonight. But I think one thing…that you’re listening, if you get over these bore-giggles, is that this kinda unites us, right? We’ve all been through that. Sometimes we’ve been through it on the real…you say well, that was not false. It was unplanned, for sure. So, we’ve been there, and we’ve also all been there in the deep, dark night, so I’m glad you’re here. Give the show…please give the show a few tries just to see if it can help you, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’m glad you’re here. I yearn and I strive to make the best possible show I can, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts, like things on your mind, maybe you’re thinking about the past, the present, the future, or something. Could be…or nothing. I mean, holy…you know, let’s not think about nothing or…oh yeah, let’s not…let’s forget I said it. Thoughts, feelings, could be emotions coming up for you or left over from the day or anticipating something.

So, feelings could be there, physical sensations, any and all of those three. It could be changes in routine or schedule, it could just be something baffling. You say, what’s up with that? Except I don’t normally say it in a calm way. But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off that. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. That’s the first step. I guess technically I’ve already done that. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my tones, creaky yet dulcet. Eventually they become dulcet. So, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…those are where I go off topic and get mixed up, superfluous tangents, that’s when I indulge…when I go off topic and then I indulge myself…other stuff, extra words, pauses, utterances, stuttering, natural stuttering, and stumbling.

It’s been a while since I talked about stumbling over my own words, but I just did it there by…I mean, it’s not intentional. Yeah, I’m sorry, words. I don’t mean to stumble over you. It’s not my intention to stumble over you. I would love it if you came out and…whatever. I don’t have the vocabulary to say clearly, efficient thoughts or something fancy like that. Is that what elucidate…lucid…? There’s some word like…it looks like euclid. Is there a word called euclid? Isn’t that a famous flower? Is there a flower called the euclid? It’s E-U, and then there’s a form of geometry, right? Euclidean? Maybe. Anyone out there? I don’t even…oh, you…no. When someone gets to the point, they’re not Euclidean, but there’s a word like that, I think, out there. Not in my brain, though.

It’s out there, somewhere out there, beneath the sun and stars, as Fievel once sang. But some of you might be wondering, what in the Don Bluth are you talking about, and then some of you might be like, what in the darn tootin’…who in the…who’s…? This guy doesn’t know his ‘eu’ from his euclid. He doesn’t know his ukes from his ukuleles and his cukes from his cucumbers. I’d say, you’re correct at that. So…but I’m here to take your mind off of stuff. If you’re new, a couple things to know. This podcast is very different. You probably already figured that out from our last discussion there. Elucidate? Like, elucidate? Something like that. It’s weird. I guess I have trouble with those E-U words. I mean, not words from the EU, but words that start with E and U. Also…‘cause I’d say, wait a second, aren’t those both vowels?

Here’s a tip; if you’re gonna go on that Wheel of Fortune show, know your E-U words, because that would be confusing for me. I’d say, wait…I would never think…at least, I…I don’t mean the royal I; I just mean me. I’d be so confused. I’d say, wait, there’s words that start with E and E and U? Oh, boy. But…oh, so, this podcast is very different. What it’s here for and why it’s different is…well, I don’t know exactly why it’s different. That’s what works about it for the people it works for. But it doesn’t work right away, because of course if you’re looking for something to put you to sleep, it’s…a lot of the stuff out there…maybe you’ve tried it. You said, well, that’s too serious or that’s too soothing. Or, I don’t know, I just didn’t like…enjoy that.

Yeah, Sleep With Me is a bit different than most other stuff meant to put you to sleep, so it does take a few tries to get used to. You say, oh, okay, yeah, I kinda get that now. So, give it a few tries and see how it goes. It’s a podcast you don’t really listen to, so you may be used to listening to bedtime stories or regular podcasts or something. This is a podcast you just…you’re just supposed to humor me and go, uh-huh, uh-huh. No, it’s euclid. It’s whatever the correct word is. Scoots, I think you’re thinking of tulip, not euclids, and Pythagoras. None of that other stuff…that sounds like something your brain made up. I say, are you sure? I’m pretty sure there’s Euclidean geometry. I don’t know about the other stuff.

I’m pretty sure there is…I mean, I’m gonna have to Google it later that there’s a flower called the euclid, but maybe not. Maybe it’s not pronounced Ecludian. But…oh, so, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You say, mm-hm, there he goes again. This guy doesn’t know his…what about words that start with UE? Use, Cary Elwes, but that’s E-W-E, I think, or something. Okay, so…oh, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. Just barely pay attention. Listen to me loosely like I’m just out of focus. Like, you can…even though you might be able to hear me, I’m not really making any sense. But the other side of it is this isn’t really a podcast to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, if you can’t sleep, you actually could listen for company or a little bit of a distraction.

I’ll be here to the very end. That’s my promise to you. Whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to barely take your mind off stuff. So, those are the first two things that new listeners need to know; don’t really pay me any mind, and I’m more here to be your friend than to put you to sleep. You fall asleep at your leisure. That’s why the shows are about an hour. The other things that can throw new people off are the…is the structure of the show, which is also different. The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Then we move on to business, sponsor support, listener support, and that stuff. That’s how we’re able to bring you the show free. Then there’s an intro.

The intro…again, I saw this online again where someone said the whole first thirty minutes of the show is ads, which just is not true. I think maybe it’s from people just skipping around. So, the show starts off…greeting’s about two minutes, then there’s about four minutes or six minutes of business, various types of business, then from minute six to minute eight to about minute twenty to twenty-four is the intro, which is all confused meanders and me introducing the show. I can see why people would think it’s business, ‘cause I’m just kinda talking about nothing, or that’s how some people feel. But really, the intro serves more than one purpose. It’s to introduce new people to the show, but if you’re a regular listener, you say, oh, I can already start barely listening, because Scoots is gonna kinda cover the same territory in a different way.

But I know I can listen ‘cause every intro is different even though they’re similar. Then what listeners do…most listeners; not every listener, and there’s no right or wrong way, but they listen to the intro as they’re getting ready for bed or as they’re unwinding or as they’re falling asleep. So, it eases you into bedtime. My thing is if I started the show with just a story, it wouldn’t really give you a chance to unwind, and then maybe your brain would start being like, wait a second, what about that list of groceries? Isn’t there a better way to do that? We’ve been doing it wrong the whole time. How come you don’t use a grocery list? You say, okay, I’m trying to go to…I’m trying to listen to this bedtime story here.

So, if I ease you into bedtime, it just gives you a little bit more space between those voices or the parts of your day that are trying to keep up with you at bedtime. You can always skip the intro; you just start it around twenty, twenty-four minutes. Then there’s business for a few minutes, then there’s a story. Tonight it’ll be our new…or no, our second episode of our episodically modular serialized series, which is a live…what do they call that? Live play or something? It’s where we’re listening in to some characters playing a game as characters. Roleplaying…live play or something. I don’t know what they call it. One day I’ll realize it. So, there…so, then there will be our story, then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. Those are rules around the…I mean, or the kind of things to remember.

The other thing is I make the show…is two reasons; I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, I know how it feels in the deep, dark night. It gets on my nerves, or I know what it’s like to have what I call brain bots, which are these voices that crop up at bedtime from the past or the present or the future, and they got a laundry list…they want to talk to you about grocery lists or whatever…something…if that part of you feels like you forgot to do. So, that’s one reason I make the show. The other reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place where you can get some rest and some relaxation, a good night’s sleep. You deserve a bedtime you’re not wondering about or dreading. That’s how it used to be for me.

That’s really what I get joy from, is knowing even if I can’t make bedtime something you look forward to, that you don’t dread it, that I take a little bit of the rigmarole out of it, that I drain the balloon of seriousness. You say…this is really a high compliment, I’m not kidding; you say, well, at least I got Scoots there. In any other context, the person would be like…make a Charlie Brown face or a ha-ho-hum, oh boy, Eeyore. But in my case, I say, that’s great, yeah. At least you got me, ‘cause I’m here for you. I’m here to just barely keep you company. That’s really my job. It’s an important job to me. Now, I guess the other side of it, like I said earlier, is that I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. The show is very different. It tends to grow on you.

Or, I mean, a lot of people have very strong reactions, non-positive ones. I say, okay, it’s not gonna work for you. That’s fine. There’s tons of other sleep podcasts out there and other sleep solutions. But I would say give it a few tries, ‘cause it’s really harmless. All sleep pod…it’s like, I’m just here trying to put you to sleep, so give it a few tries — it’s free — and see how it goes. This isn’t an agenda. It’s just that every single…out of like…out of every ten listeners, I’d say eight or nine have said, hey, it took me a few tries to get used to the show ‘cause it’s so different. Now I listen every night or I listen all night. Or, you know, people support the show because they get so much out of it.

So, just give it a few tries because…yeah, and I mean, it’s different, too, because for me, there’s been so many sleep solutions or sleep ideas or stuff that’s supposed to work, and some stuff doesn’t, and it can be frustrating ‘cause I just…you just want to get a good night’s sleep. You just want a place where you can rest. So, I make the show, yeah, because you deserve a good night’s sleep and because I’ve been there. If you can get a good night’s sleep, the world’s gonna be a better place for everybody, and that’ll be nice. So, I think that’s it. I mean, I really appreciate you checking the show out. Give it a few tries and see how it goes. But yeah, thanks for coming by. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring this podcast twice a week.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be things…whatever it is, if it’s things on your mind that you’re thinking about…so, whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, things on your mind from the past, present, or future, or just there, calculations…holy cow. Calculations, stay…calculations and calculators, stay out of my bed, please.

Somewhere out there there’s a heartbroken…hopefully a scientific calculator that said, Scoots, I thought we had something. I say, yeah, in proper context, but not in my bed. Well, I’m…I don’t know, Scoots, I thought I was a solar calculator. Are you one of those solar calculators that works…? Here’s another technology I’ll have to explain to my daughter and she’ll laugh hysterically. But actually, let’s come back to that, ‘cause one…holy cow, talk about…how come there’s…are there any…how come there are not tons of journals…long-form articles glorifying solar calculators? You’ll understand why. I’m beginning to…there was that movie about the electric car before this current generation of electric cars. I’m beginning to wonder if they weren’t looking in the wrong place.

You say, who forgot to glorify the solar calculator? Well, it won’t be me. When people…one day when they look back at underrated things we never appreciated…you say, Scoots, didn’t you just say that you don’t want any calculators in your bed? It sounds like you turned down some sort of relationship with a calculator. Was it a sentient calculator or just one you’re projecting meaning onto? Well, of course I was…of course…I was projecting it onto there because…anyway, there’s new…so, if thoughts are keeping you awake…hopefully we’ll get back to the solar calculators…thoughts keeping you awake, it could be feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you, it could be physical sensations, it could be your schedule, your family.

Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you fall asleep. I have a certain method we kinda use for Sleep With Me. I guess ‘kind of use’ is the best way to…so, here’s what I’m thinking I’m gonna do, or here’s what I normally do every episode…but I guess when I say, here’s what I’m thinking…see if this will work for you if you’re new. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, so, a voice that you’re hearing…not traditionally a soothing voice, but a voice that may soothe. It’s more to distract you. So, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders.

I mean, we just got one with a superfluous tangent in there. Those are kinda things I use…oh, filler words, unformed sentences, a lot of different tangents, all that stuff to keep you company while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a couple things I want to run by you here or to make you aware of. This is, one, a podcast you don’t really listen to. It’s a podcast you barely pay attention to. It’s just kinda there in the background, and you’re kinda listening. You’re saying, solar calculators, I think I saw one of those. Or some of you are saying, I remember those. Yeah, they would work as soon as you opened them up in almost any light. They also had a battery. That was like, 1984 or 1991 or 1978. I don’t know what year it was, but it could have been one of those years.

Suddenly you’re saying to yourself, wait a second, Scoots might have a point there. Those calculators worked. That’s a undisputed…some of…okay, but if we’re getting into SAT questions…some of those calculators worked, that I remember. So, that’s the kind of logic that you say, huh, well, it’s not faulty logic. It’s…I wouldn’t call it traditional logic, either. I would call it logic…is there something called logic-like or logic-esque? No. Okay, well, that’s the kinda logic I have to propose that. So, it’s a podcast that is just out of focus, so you kinda barely listen to it. I think I said that. Then, the other thing is this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s just here to keep you company. It’s this weird kind of keeping you company. Just like these calculators I’ll hopefully talk about…talk about a tree falling in the woods.

Those calculators were always ready to go when…I mean, and again, very much like Sleep With Me, you just kinda barely needed them, at least for me. I know there’s people out there — and holy cow, I’m thankful for you — that are good at calculations. I have dyslexia, so…never been my forte. But like I always say, my forte, Will Forte, but not calculators. Will Forte using a calculator? I’d like to see that. I think that would be pretty entertaining, or Will Forte walking around…Will Forte…Calculations of Will Forte, that could be when he does a speaking tour one day. That also rhymed unintentionally. Oh, I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you drift off. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you have plenty of time.

You say, oh, no rush to fall asleep and no pressure to listen. So, that’s different than most podcasts, so I’m not sure how to feel. I say, totally understandable. This podcast is very different, and with most sleep stuff, if you come here skeptical or doubtful or not even sure, that’s a normal way to arrive at Sleep With Me. For your first listen or two, it can be a little bit…not jarring, but if there was a softer version of that, a little bit…you say, well, I’m kinda confused. I say, well, that sounds like you’re in the right place. But most regular listeners say give the show two or three tries before you give up on it, just because that’s how long it takes to say, oh wait, I don’t listen? Oh, wait, the show never…it’s always started and it never starts at the same time. Okay, just like that solar calculator.

Also, Scoots has…makes associations that probably aren’t associated like that. You say, yeah, it’s like a force…not a forced metaphor, but I’m putting…for metaphor…not even metaphorically. I take meta…square metaphors and put them in round holes all the time. That’s how I organize my metaphors. Then I can never get them out. I say, that metaphor’s stuck in there. I say, ‘cause that’s a square metaphor in a round hole. I say, well, it’s a cubby. That’s my metaphor cubby. It’s a metaphorical cubby? No, it’s real. It’s made from…I mean, it’s real in my imagination…it’s image…it’s real in my imagination, so it’s not a metaphor, I don’t think. But yeah, it…yeah, it’s…yeah, I just…yeah, you’re right, I did shove…and there are round metaphors in square holes. Those are little bit easier to get out.

Don’t even get into my octagonal metaphors and my triangular ones, ‘cause they’re jammed up. Oh boy, I’ll be here all day. Luckily I just invented something new; metaphor lubricant. It lubricates your metaphors. Also, metaphors can drink it, which is…after…Metaphor After Hours, my new book. Holy cow, I just thought of five ideas in one. Or Metaphors After Dark. I guess it would go…Metaphors After Hours would be the 10:00 p.m. time slot, and then the 12:00 a.m. one would be Metaphors After Dark, or maybe not. Maybe it goes the other way. Anyway, where was I? Oh, don’t really listen to me. Give it a few tries. Structurally, this can really throw people off.

I try to talk about it a lot because I feel like…well, I guess if you have a strong reaction to this podcast, it’s just not gonna work for you, but we really haven’t changed anything in the structure of the show in many, many years. So, here’s how the show goes; it starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome, seen, and invited in. Then there’s business. There’s business of supporting the listeners, there’s our sponsors and our show support, and support…when we support community or causes. So, all that’s at the…that’s at the beginning. Then there’s the intro. So, you get a minute of tease…the greeting, then a few minutes of business and sponsor stuff, then about sixteen to twenty minutes of intro. I’ll come back to the intro.

Then there’s business, another four or five minutes of business, and then tonight we’ll talk about the Mandalorian, and then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. The intro…I don’t know, I guess some people probably listen, then they try to fast-forward through the intro and they kinda realize that…then they get frustrated ‘cause the intro goes on and on and on. Then they get to the business and then…so, some people are like, oh, the show is just like, twenty minutes of business. It’s like, no. Or, why is there a twenty-minute intro in a seventy-minute podcast? I say, well, that’s what I’m here to explain right now.

So, the intro is a way for me to introduce new people to the show and get you comfortable, but for regular listeners, it gives…and new listeners, but sometimes you have to pay…you listen the first few times…but for regular listeners, it helps them wind down. It helps them leave the day behind, give them some distance. It gives them something familiar to hear, but it’s different every time so that your brain bots or whatever’s keeping you awake can’t quite adjust. So, the intro’s different every time but it kinda has the same general feel, so you say, well, I can kinda barely listen, ‘cause I know it’s gonna be kinda familiar but kinda different. So, some listeners start getting ready for bed during the intro. Some listeners are in bed getting comfortable or drifting off. Some listeners are doing some other relaxing activity.

Some people start listening in the middle of the night when they wake up. Some people listen all night long. About three percent of people start the show at twenty or twenty-two minutes and listen there, and that gets you kinda closer at the beginning of the Mandalorian talk tonight. Then some people support the show on Patreon. They get story-only episodes. So, it’s kinda like as you become a regular listener, you say, oh, okay. Well, I like to pet my pets and, whatever, play a game of Solitaire with real cards, and then I go to sleep while I’m listening to the intro. So, that’s kinda the intro, and then…yeah. So, it does…for new people…when’s this podcast start? I say, well, it’s a sleep podcast, so it kinda is always starting and never starting — like I said earlier — at the same time. So, that’s that.

The other things I want you to know if you’re new or if you’re a regular listener or if you’re…your sleep is important to me because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You really do. You deserve a place you can rest. You deserve some relief from the day. You deserve a bedtime where you actually feel neutral about it or you look forward to it versus dreading it, like I have in the past. If you get some sleep and some rest, you could…your life’s more manageable, and maybe you could be out there in the world flourishing. Any of those things makes the world a better place to be in. So, that’s important. It’s important for your world to be more habitable, you know what I mean? That’s important to me.

The other reason…the reason…one of the reasons it’s important to me, other than that’s just a fact, is that I’ve been there, dreading bedtime or waking up, all those things. So, I know how it feels, those desperate feelings that can come up, or other feelings, or the feelings during the day. So, that’s another reason why it’s important to me. So, that’s why I make the show, and then I guess I was gonna talk about…so, here’s the thing, ‘cause we have a pretty giant diversity of listeners. I just want to talk about these calculators and just try to parse this out. So, once upon a time, when…at some point when I was in…probably in high…no, I guess grammar…I don’t know, sometime in the eighties…so, grammar school or whatever they call it, elementary, grade school, they came out with these calculators that were solar-powered, just like they have now.

They say, hey, you got…your house is solar powered. But these things actually worked. I don’t know what the first or second generation was, but…here’s the thing; they were…as far as I remember, they were unbelievably low-cost, the same cost as a regular calculator. These calculators worked even with just fluorescent lights in your classroom. They would work right away, ‘cause a lot of times they had…you’d open it up and it had a leatherette thing or it had a button. Some had a battery and the solar power thing, and other ones only had the solar power thing. I realized at first this could be ridiculous, but…I mean, this is the kinda thing…why I make Sleep With Me. But pause for a second. The whole thing with solar…the promise of solar energy, right? I know we’re getting there, but it’s been this dream.

Like, a solar-powered house, and then you…your house is kinda self-sufficient with the sun and you got a battery to store it or whatever. Then you got solar-powered other stuff. But we don’t have a lot of other stuff that’s solar-powered. But you say, well why…how the heck did they have…? It’s always this one thing. It’s like, why was only the calculator…? I think they probably had solar-powered watches. I don’t know why those didn’t take off. I mean, I guess it would have needed a battery, and maybe the battery technology wasn’t there. But it just seemed like this perfect product. It actually worked all…almost all the time, even in dim light. I mean, am I just out here on my own or is anybody else like, that was so impressive?

Even as a kid, I felt like I was using…I said, okay, we don’t have lasers, really, or flying cars or, whatever, hover bikes or hover shoes. But you say, wow, I got this solar thing. Maybe that’s why…then everybody was like, why the heck aren’t all our houses solar powered? I don’t know. It just makes me wa-wa-wonder why. Also, like I said, as great as calculators are, even the one that was flirting with me earlier or whatever, keep them out of bed. Keep your calculators out of bed. I mean, unless…if that’s a thing. I mean, if that’s a thing for you, awesome. Holy moly. I guess I’m starting to wonder. Now my back’s sweating. You say, well, one plus one equals two. The two of us here; see, it’s right here on this calculator, my dear. Then I think you can put words in there. Like, maybe you could put ‘love’.

If you had a Roman numeric…Roman numeral calculator, you definitely could, or one of those scientific ones. But I never got that far in math to get to the scientific calculator. Or if I did, I said, well, I don’t know if I’m gonna…anyway, so, whatever your calculation is, give this show a few tries. I really hope it can help you. I really hope I can take your mind off of stuff and help you fall asleep. I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you coming by. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, so thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring you the show twice a week. Thanks.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intros

Tongue Genetics

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/genetic-myth-textbooks-get-wrong

https://www.news-medical.net/health/Genetics-of-Tongue-Twisting.aspx

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180130-do-you-inherit-the-ability-to-roll-your-tongue

Popeye

https://culture.pl/en/article/popeye-polish-roots-fiegel

https://www.thefilmdetective.com/post/a-history-of-popeye-from-newspaper-hero-to-silver-screen-star

https://www.boomermagazine.com/history-of-popeye-the-sailor-man-1954-1959/

Mumblecore

https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/what-is-mumblecore-film-movement/

https://nofilmschool.com/what-is-mumblecore-film-movement

https://www.bfi.org.uk/features/where-begin-mumblecore

Solar Calculators

https://edtechmagazine.com/k12/article/2012/11/calculating-firsts-visual-history-calculators

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/160225-solar-calculator-history-energy-objects

https://digital.sciencehistory.org/works/9019s2710

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Fans of All Boba

Boba Fett must really not like Boba Tea

What’s a verb that starts with B?

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Anker Soundcore; Dave’s Killer Bread; Acorns; Apple Card

INTRO

• 945
• Playing by the Sleep Rules
• More Creaky than Dulcet are my tones
• I mutter, I stammer, and I peter out
• Like an old-fashioned car in a cartoon
• Out of Focus Listening
• I want you to feel seen and welcomed
• A show within a show within a show
• Like Russian nesting dolls
• Listeners on a comeback
• A smooth landing pad into sleep
• Mandoborian
• Indirect spoilers
• Shoutout to the Bridges brothers
• The Bacon brothers
• Beau Bridges / Bacon Brothers Fan Fiction
• Beau Beacon
• Beau Bacon and Beau Bridges balance boba balls on Boba Fett
• Beautifully Balanced Boba Balls
• Tongue Twisters International is calling
• Can a boba ball be betrothed?
• Betrothed to Boba Fett
• A very extended tongue twister
• In violation to the Tongue Twister Code
• Tongue Twisting Tales aka Sleep With Me
• Thanks Bad Brad Bacon
• A non-ostentatious house in the Hollywood Hills
• Baking Banana Boba Balls

STORY

• • 946
  • Things on your mind
  • My mind just went blank
  • Where’s that letter I needed to open?
  • It can take two or three times to get used to me
  • I play loose and fast with my content
  • Bedtime Boryteller
  • You don’t really owe me anything
  • What up pet listeners
  • Cold-Blooded Beings, I’ll only share my warmth with you metaphorically
  • I Yam Who I Yam
  • My midroll isn’t in the middle of the show
  • A tribute to Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)
  • I want to reassure you that you’re not alone
  • My greatest honor is being the father to the coolest daughter in the world
  • False Farts
  • A time I tried to cover up a false fart with other false farts in school
  • It was so over the top that it wasn’t embarrassing
  • Unintentional Disruption Eruption
  • False farts at cereal pitch meetings
  • 947
  • Holy cow, let’s not think about nothing
  • Something Baffling
  • Oh so creaky are my dulcet tones
  • Natural Stuttering and Stumbling
  • Stumbling over my own words
  • Is there a flower called Euclid?
  • What in the Don Bluth are you talking about?
  • Troublesome EU words
  • Not the royal “I”, it’s actually me
  • I’m thinking of tulips, not euclids
  • Words that start UE
  • I can already start barely listening

• Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

• • Explaining my brainbots
  • A Drained Balloon of Seriousness
  • I’m not everybody’s cup of tea
  • 948
  • Holy cow, calculations
  • Calculators, keep out of my bed
  • Who forgot to glorify the solar calculator?
  • Of course I’m projecting a personality onto this solar calculator
  • My voice is meant to distract, not to soothe
  • Who killed the solar calculator?
  • My logic is logic-esque
  • Truly, those calculators were always ready to go
  • I’d like to see Will Forte using a calculator

• Calculations with Will Forte

• • A softer version of jarring
  • I put square metaphors in round holes all the time
  • My Metaphor Cubby
  • It’s real in my imagination
  • Metaphor Lubricant, available now

• Metaphors After Hours

• Mandalorian chat tonight
• Always starting and never starting
• Your world should be more inhabitable
• A Giant Diversity of Listeners
• More discussion of solar calculators
• Unbelievably Low Cost for these solar calculators
• The promise of solar energy
• We don’t have lasers or hover cars but we do have solar calculators
• The Roman Numeral Calculator

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1326

Title: Roman Numeral Calculator | All Intros 945 – 948 for Presidents’ Day Weekend

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Anker Soundcore; Dave’s Killer Bread; Acorns; Apple Card

Notable Language:

• 945
• Playing by the Sleep Rules
• Putters
• A show within a show within a show
• Beau Beacon
• Beau Bacon and Beau Bridges balance boba balls on Boba Fett
• Beautifully Balanced Boba Balls
• Beau Bacon and Beau Bridges balance boba balls on Boba Fett
• Beautifully Balanced Boba Balls
• Betrothed
• Tongue Twister Code
• 946
• Bedtime Boryteller
• Mammalian Pets
• I Yam Who I Yam
• False Farts
• Unintentional Disruption Eruption
• 947
• Stumble
• Euclidean
• 948
• Calculator
• Logi-esque
• My Metaphor Cubby
• Octagonal Metaphors
• Metaphor Lubricant

Notable Culture:

• • 945
  • Putt Putt
  • Russian nesting dolls

• The Mandalorian

• • Mandoborian
  • Jeff Bridges
  • Beau Bridges
  • Jeff Daniels
  • Kevin Bacon
  • Tongue Twisters
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi / Star Wars
  • Doc Brown / Back to the Future
  • The Bacon Brothers podcast

• 946

• Popeye

• • Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)
  • Zoom
  • Count Chocula
  • Boo Berry Cereal
  • 947
  • Euclid
  • Feivel – “An American Tail”
  • Don Bluth
  • European Union

• Wheel of Fortune

• • Pythagoras
  • Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow
  • Dungeons & Dragons
  • Charlie Brown
  • Eeyore
  • 948
  • Solar Calculators
  • SAT
  • Will Forte
  • Calculations with Will Forte

• Metaphors After Hours

• The Mandalorian

Notable Talking Points:

• • 945
  • Playing by the Sleep Rules
  • More Creaky than Dulcet are my tones
  • I mutter, I stammer, and I peter out
  • Like an old-fashioned car in a cartoon
  • Out of Focus Listening
  • I want you to feel seen and welcomed
  • A show within a show within a show
  • Like Russian nesting dolls
  • Listeners on a comeback
  • A smooth landing pad into sleep
  • Mandoborian
  • Indirect spoilers
  • Shoutout to the Bridges brothers
  • The Bacon brothers
  • Beau Bridges / Bacon Brothers Fan Fiction
  • Beau Beacon
  • Beau Bacon and Beau Bridges balance boba balls on Boba Fett
  • Beautifully Balanced Boba Balls
  • Tongue Twisters International is calling
  • Can a boba ball be betrothed?
  • Betrothed to Boba Fett
  • A very extended tongue twister
  • In violation to the Tongue Twister Code
  • Tongue Twisting Tales aka Sleep With Me
  • Thanks Bad Brad Bacon
  • A non-ostentatious house in the Hollywood Hills
  • Baking Banana Boba Balls
  • 946
  • Things on your mind
  • My mind just went blank
  • Where’s that letter I needed to open?
  • It can take two or three times to get used to me
  • I play loose and fast with my content
  • Bedtime Boryteller
  • You don’t really owe me anything
  • What up pet listeners
  • Cold-Blooded Beings, I’ll only share my warmth with you metaphorically
  • I Yam Who I Yam
  • My midroll isn’t in the middle of the show
  • A tribute to Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)
  • I want to reassure you that you’re not alone
  • My greatest honor is being the father to the coolest daughter in the world
  • False Farts
  • A time I tried to cover up a false fart with other false farts in school
  • It was so over the top that it wasn’t embarrassing
  • Unintentional Disruption Eruption
  • False farts at cereal pitch meetings
  • 947
  • Holy cow, let’s not think about nothing
  • Something Baffling
  • Oh so creaky are my dulcet tones
  • Natural Stuttering and Stumbling
  • Stumbling over my own words
  • Is there a flower called Euclid?
  • What in the Don Bluth are you talking about?
  • Troublesome EU words
  • Not the royal “I”, it’s actually me
  • I’m thinking of tulips, not euclids
  • Words that start UE
  • I can already start barely listening

• Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

• • Explaining my brainbots
  • A Drained Balloon of Seriousness
  • I’m not everybody’s cup of tea
  • 948
  • Holy cow, calculations
  • Calculators, keep out of my bed
  • Who forgot to glorify the solar calculator?
  • Of course I’m projecting a personality onto this solar calculator
  • My voice is meant to distract, not to soothe
  • Who killed the solar calculator?
  • My logic is logic-esque
  • Truly, those calculators were always ready to go
  • I’d like to see Will Forte using a calculator

• Calculations with Will Forte

• • A softer version of jarring
  • I put square metaphors in round holes all the time
  • My Metaphor Cubby
  • It’s real in my imagination
  • Metaphor Lubricant, available now

• Metaphors After Hours

• Mandalorian chat tonight
• Always starting and never starting
• Your world should be more inhabitable
• A Giant Diversity of Listeners
• More discussion of solar calculators
• Unbelievably Low Cost for these solar calculators
• The promise of solar energy
• We don’t have lasers or hover cars but we do have solar calculators
• The Roman Numeral Calculator